FZE’s Other ComicsAwake and Sing, Ye That Dwell in Dust

In the dead of night, at a secluded crypt, a coffin suddenly creaks open. An undead FZE climbs out of it and crawls through the ground towards a Brain Dead Union officer, moaning. As his moans grow louder, the guard turns and salutes FZE, reporting to him as Staff Sergeant Laffayette. FZE immediately gets up and casually greets him back. FZE looks to the side and notices a mattress and a bunch of bottles and old boxes of food. FZE asks Laffayette how long he's been there on guard. Laffayette replies three years, three months and twenty-six days. FZE says yowza, then tells him he has some calls to make and asks to borrow Laffayette's phone a while. Laffayette says of course but explains that Union issue comms haven't been quite right for some time, so he gives him his own personal unit. FZE notices it has Tee-tris. FZE then asks to use Laffayette's sidearm for the time being, which he consents. As Laffayette hands over his handgun, FZE tells him he'll get those back to him as soon as possible, then says one other thing. He aims the pistol directly at Laffayette's face and pulls the trigger, but nothing happens. FZE says he passes as Laffayette hands him the ammo magazine, then asks if he has some form of transportation. Laffayette awkwardly says yes.
Outside, FZE realizes Laffayette's means of transportation is a tricycle. He gets on the tricycle and checks the phone for a route to Union Master General Chris' house. At the Brain Dead Union headquarters in Union Master General Chris' office, or more accurately Chris' living room type arrangement, Chris is typing away at a computer. FZE reaches his window and bangs on it while rattling the window's bars, screaming Chris' name, but Chris is too preoccupied playing a real-time strategy game to notice. FZE drags a wooden bench over to the window and gets on top of it, then rattles and bangs on the window again as he screams Chriiiiiiis. Chris notices the undead FZE and shouts oh, bollocks. FZE tells Chris to let him in because he's starving over there. Chris asks if he's starving for brains, to which FZE retorts no, thanks, he was thinking, like, Popeye's and asks if they have those there. As Chris slowly reaches under his desk, he tells his dead comrade of course, they will go and get fried chicken, just let him get the keys. Beneath the desk are a serious of red buttons, labelled everything from werewolves to zombies to zombie with gun. Chris presses the latter and an alarm starts sounding.
A blast shield closes over the window as FZE says fuck off, what is this. Chris pushes a filing cabinet towards the door to block it. FZE goes to the door and says fucking great. He sarcastically calls it a fantastic use of his time and he's so glad he scooted his ass there. FZE checks his phone for Chinese takeout, then calls Danger Wok to place an order to be picked up, asking for the shrimp and broccoli, an order of crab rangoons, two shrimp egg rolls. Unbeknownst to FZE, The Gobo is lurking nearby, watching him. FZE suddenly hears the sound of something perforating flesh. He looks down and notices a spear right in the middle of his tummy. FZE concludes his call saying that'll be everything and thanks. FZE gets his gun and approaches The Gobo as the latter reloads his spear gun and calls it bullshit. The Gobo shouts why won't he die, but FZE tells him to stop it and shoots him in the foot. Gobo cowers and screams in pain while FZE tells him he works hard and pays his taxes, can he not get dubious takeout at 2 AM in peace. Chris opens his door and says Hell's bells, then asks what FZE did to Gobo. FZE angrily points at the spear and tells Chris to look at that bullshit. Rolling on the ground, Gobo tells Chris he doesn't think that guy's a werewolf. FZE retorts obviously. Chris says of course not, then asks Gobo what he's talking about, but then says never mind, they need to get him to a hospital. FZE tells Chris to do what he thinks is right, but they're stopping at Danger Wok, maybe twice, and asks where his car is.
Chris stares at the road and rubs his chin, telling FZE he's afraid it's not going to be that simple. Later, on the road into the city, Chris is driving the car while FZE sits in the passenger seat and The Gobo lies down in the back. Chris explains this block of flats is under quarantine and they're going to stop and question them. Chris says he'll try to talk their way through, but they should be prepared for force. He sarcastically adds that's not too far outside FZE's comfort zone. As they reach a checkpoint, a metro cop tells him to hold it right there. Someone at the checkpoint recognizes them and says the fuck, no. FZE notices them and says shit, things just got worse. It's Mythos, who walks out of the building holding a shotgun and tells them hell, hell no, get out of the car. As FZE steps out of the vehicle, he points a finger at Mythos and asks him if he finally sold out, then says he should have guessed. He declares Mythos and his little cabal of goons are going to get their balls stapled to the wall when the world finally gets fed up with their shit. Mythos asks what. Chris walks out of the car with his hands raised and shouts free Worcester. Mythos ignores FZE and makes his way to Chris, saying this should be good. He asks Chris what exactly did he think was going to happen when he showed up there trying to leave and that he knows damn well he's not leaving the quarantine zone with him riding along. FZE calls Mythos an asshole and retorts that if he feels like leaving, he's doing it. Mythos tells FZE he can do whatever the fuck he wants, then points towards the car, where The Gobo is still lying down, and tells them that is not entering the general public on his watch. FZE asks if Mythos doesn't think he's a zombie or anything. Mythos retorts of course not, zombies aren't fucking real. Chris points out he could still be a vampire. Mythos tells him to shut up.
Mythos tells Chris he's not allowing a Gobo outbreak to hit the general public and orders him to turn his car around and go his ass home. Chris notes there's actually only the one that he knows of. Mythos retorts that's plenty. Suddenly, the car crashes through the checkpoint with FZE at the wheel. Mythos simply rolls his eyes, turns around and radios the message black, black, black. Later, FZE approaches a building with a sign that's been graffiti'd to say Danger Wok. FZE says yussss, then tells The Gobo to stay right there. Gobo moans that he's dying. FZE points out Gobo shot him and enters Danger Wok with a shout of 'sup, bitches. Meanwhile, Mythos is driving a red van looking for FZE and Gobo while a metro cop and Chris sit in the back. Chris notes the cop has a nice rifle and tells him he used to have a personal army. Mythos tells him to shut up back there and asks where are they going to find that idiot. A radio message then says eyes on secondary target, picnic table in Central Park, eastern wall. Mythos replies he's right there, closing to engage. Meanwhile, FZE sits at a picnic table with a satisfied look, the table full of bottles of beer and cartons of Chinese food. He starts to hear noises approaching and his expression slowly changes from contentment to annoyance as Mythos shows up in a Royal Mail van. FZE instinctively reaches for his gun.
Mythos, Chris and the metro cop step out of the van. Mythos shouts where the fuck is The Gobo. FZE opens his mouth to reply, then stops to think and shrugs. A car horn is then heard and FZE says wait, waaaait. The car he drove in, still containing The Gobo, crashes through the park, flips in the air and falls on the lake upside down. FZE retorts to Mythos there he has it and notes that parking brake does not work. FZE, Chris and Mythos approach the lake, Chris mournfully stating Gobo's penchant for wearing 90 pounds of plate armor was at last his undoing, noting that the car he was locked in probably also did not help in terms of buoyancy. Chris puts on a top hat and states that death, it seems, must come to them all, save perhaps FZE. He asks FZE what force has brought him back to walk upon this plane again. FZE replies he's been thinking about that and is pretty sure he's a revenant. Mythos says a shade brought back from the dead, unable to rest without fulfilling a purpose, then asks FZE what he supposes his purpose is. FZE retorts no, he means like the awesome kind from Doom, then punches Chris away and suddenly shrieks as two cannons appear on his shoulders, which he fires at Mythos. As the cannons let out smoke, FZE calls it fucking sweet. The end.

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