A Proper RoundA Proper Round logo.Snakebites to the Heads are Deadly

Two men are driving a van recklessly in the open desert. The driver, Frank, asks if it isn't awesome and comments that when you visit Las Vegas, who cares about the casinos, open desert driving is where it's at. The other man, Alex, agrees but tells him to stop because he's gotta take a piss. Frank sighs. They find a more secluded place and stop there. Alex goes to pee while Frank waits. As he does his business, Alex comments that he did it and can also write his name, but Frank cuts him off by asking if he did it without using his hands, to which Alex replies oh. Alex suddenly screams in pain. Frank rushes to him, asking what's the matter. Alex screams that this is the matter, pointing to his groin; there is a snake dangling from his crotch. Frank stares in shock. Alex screams at him to not just stand there and do something. Frank hesitates for a moment, staring down at the snake, then crushes it with a kick. Alex bends down in pain, then begs Frank to call a doctor or something. Panicking, Frank tells him to just stay exactly where he is and he'll be right back. Alex tells him to just fucking hurry. Frank rushes to a payphone and tries to recall the number. A doctor takes the call, introducing himself as Doctor Weisskopf. Frank screams into the receiver to please help. Doctor Weisskopf tells him to calm down and asks what the problem is. Frank explains it's his friend who got bit by a snake. Doctor Weisskopf asks where did he get bit, to which Frank replies his dick. The doctor says this is going to sound awkward but Frank is going to have to suck the venom out. A long pause, then Frank asks what. Doctor Weisskopf repeats that he's going to have to suck the venom out. Frank asks what if he doesn't. Doctor Weisskopf replies that then he's afraid his friend will die and asks a toy turtle if that isn't right. Frank says okay and thanks the doctor, then puts the receiver down and goes back to Alex. Alex asks what the doctor said. Calmly, Frank tells him he said that Alex is going to have to die. The end.

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