AboutAbout logoShake Hands

Near Elite talks to the camera, explaining that today he's going to show a simple way to greet people in a social and proper way. Near then clarifies that he's talking about shaking hands and that he's going to show how easy it is to get started. He approaches a random man, says hello and asks to shake hands. The man stares at him with a serious expression, then asks if Near's a faggot. Near lowers his hand as the guy picks his nose. Near approaches someone else, stating that he looks normal, and offers to shake hands. The guy says of course and shakes Near's hand. Near then realizes it feels sticky and looks down at his hand. He gasps in disgust and asks the guy what's wrong with him and if it's so hard to unload his weapon anywhere but his hand. The guy shouts back that he's American and does whatever pleases him. Near apologizes, saying he forgot. Near spots another person approaching, this time a very muscular man, and offers to shake his hand. The burly man says sure, why not, and grabs Near's hand. Near screams in pain for the guy to stop as he crushes Near's hand with his handshake. Near tries to point at the guy but his fingers are all bent out of shape, saying thank God that he's left-handed and so doesn't need the guy's help to call 911. The end.

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