Pokémon Burgundy VersionPokémon Burgundy Version logo.Chapter Two

A cop with the name tag Antagonist is at Professor Yew's lab. He tells Yew to let him get this straight and describes that a man that looked like a bear came in Yew's lab, interrupting himself to ask if he has a permit for this kind of thing, then walked into the lab with his identical twin and a mutant beaver, posing as a child, then interrupts himself again to ask Yew why he was expecting a visit from a child again, posing as a child that he was mysteriously expecting and Yew gave him a Pokémon and now expects the officer to apprehend the man on Yew's suspicion that he's kidnapped the aforementioned child. Professor Yew tells him precisely and he fears the child may have come to harm at the hands of this evildoer, so the officer must stop him. The cop re-reads his report, then tosses it aside, telling Professor Yew it's late, he's on duty soon and if he is not at his post at 8 o'clock sharp assaulting passing children with his dog and fighting them for money, he'll lose his job. The cop leaves angrily, calling everyone a bunch of freaks and noting he should have just stayed in Kanto. As he leaves, FZE walks by him and cheerfully greets him, to which the cop replies to not push him, he's on duty in half an hour. At Professor Yew's lab, the Professor is angrily kicking a sleeping, drunk Psyduck awake when FZE and Felize walk in. The professor says shite and FZE points at the Pokéball Yew gave him, rhetorically asking him that it's a car battery. Professor Yew asks a what battery, then FZE tosses the ball at him, causing the car battery to come out right into Professor Yew's chest, pushing him to the ground. As Professor Yew lies on the ground with the car battery crushing him, FZE notes that it's not a particulary light object and is also not a Pokémon, which is why they have a problem. FZE sits down next to Professor Yew, who is struggling with the car battery, and tells him he's beginning to suspect there was never a Thunder Stone either. FZE notes there is nothing he hates quite like having his time wasted.
Staring at Yew upside down, FZE adds there is maybe one thing he hates more. He explains to Professor Yew that he promised that Thunder Stone to someone far scarier than a guy being crushed by auto parts and he figures Professor Yew has probably got a Thunder Stone stashed somewhere in his lab, which is relevant to FZE's interest. FZE pauses, as Yew is not moving. He asks Felize, who is holding FZE upside down with all her strength, to put him down for a second. FZE points at Professor Yew and states that that is a dead guy if he's ever seen one, then notes that he has. Felize rubs her chin and postulates that FZE is not incorrect. Felize tells FZE she will get the shovel as FZE recalls the car battery to its Pokéball, stating he will reclaim the murder weapon. Then, something calls out to them with a Psy. They both stare at the Psyduck nonchalantly holding a clipboard with some writing on it. FZE grabs it as Felize incredulously asks if he's telling her that thing can write. FZE stares at the clipboard, turns it on its side, then tells Felize that not as far as he can tell, no. Psyduck facepalms and uses its psychic powers to get into FZE's head. FZE tells Psyduck he should have just said something. Minutes later, a Brain Dead Union chopper has landed and a grunt is outside, saluting FZE and holding a pint of Guinness beer.
FZE hands Psyduck the pint of Guinness and asks it where those fancy rocks are. The Psyduck sends him a psychic message and FZE finds two Thunder Stones next to a revolver and a Master Ball, stating that badly needs to stop. FZE, Felize and the Psyduck start to leave, as Felize notes they need to find that guy and hand him the Thunder Stone before he causes them more trouble. Popwarbunny suddenly appears, telling her that it's his thoughts exactly. FZE tells him a deal's a deal and hands him the Thunder Stone, with Popwar gleefully saying all is going according to plan. Popwar states he's so glad they could make the exchange without any untoward unpleasantness, but then notes that their bargain is now complete and that leaves them exactly as they began. FZE points out that here is a lab full of electronics and Pokémon and they have even gone to the trouble of killing anyone who might have stopped Popwar from looting it. Popwar points at FZE and tells him he likes the way he thinks, so perhaps he might be convinced to give them a fifteen minute head start. The gang leaves, FZE noting he can't believe that worked, then asking where the road leads. Felize notes that back the other way is Alliance Town, where they might be able to get passage to Kanto, and in front of them is Marlin City, where they might be able to hide out and buy supplies. They stand at the crossroads as a message states that it's the reader's choice, Marlin City or Alliance Town. However, FZE appears in front of the message with a hearty laugh, and says no, fuck that noise, they are going to Marlin City, he had the reader for a second. At Marlin City, they find a building that apparently stands for a PokéMart around Marlin and tells FZE she'll pick up some supplies while he finds a hotel for them to hole up in.
As Felize and her Bidoof head inside, FZE notes that his mission might be a little easier said than done in a town he's never been to. He stares at the Psyduck and states unless, then trails off. Within minutes, FZE and Psyduck walk into a building that happens to be a bar, FZE stating fucking miracles. FZE heads for the counter and greets the bartender, telling him he's looking for some information. The bartender snidefully replies then he'll want a library, this is a hotel bar. FZE says okay, then asks for a pint of Guinness, a glass of the Port and some information, to which the bartender cheerfully replies he can help him with. As they sit down and Psyduck happily reaches for his pint, the bartender tells FZE if he needs a place to stay, the hotel is next door and checkout's at ten o'clock, but something tells him they'll be long gone by then. Psyduck realizes he can't get to the pint due to his stubby little arm and grows annoyed. The bartender is telling FZE who to go to if they need to disappear when Psyduck has a psychic outburst that wrecks the bar. They are kicked out as FZE angrily tells Psyduck he didn't even finish his drink and Psyduck didn't even start on his. Felize shows up, telling them so they found the hotel and asking if they checked in. Both FZE and Psyduck are angrily pouting while sitting on the ground. Felize rubs her Bidoof's head and cheerfully says let's go make reservations.
In the hotel room, Felize drops a bunch of Pokéballs on the table as she tells FZE that the store wouldn't buy his car battery, not even for the ball, and in fact they didn't even know what it was. She gives him the car battery ball back and states she got him three more Pokéballs to go catch a real team, which he will need because the only way out of town is a ferry and, for some contrived reason, tickets can't be bought, only won by defeating the local Gym Leader. She also hands him a Potion, telling FZE he can use it in battle to heal one of his Pokémon and to use it on something good. FZE tells her if he has anything good, he'll try to remember that. She tells him there's a thicket of tall grass just up the block, he can go hunting there. He sarcastically tells her that it sounds like fun and asks if she just used the word thicket. At the tall grass, FZE is shocked and says the only thing they're going to catch there is a pound of deer ticks, then hopes that the Potion cures Lyme disease. He and Psyduck start multiple battles, with FZE saying no to a Caterpie, a Furret and a Magnemite. A wild Magmortar then appears and FZE is horrified by it, stating he's so confused right now because no loving God would ever permit that thing to live, so it's just disproved intelligent design by its very existence, but at the same time, there's no conceivable way that natural selection wouldn't have killed the monstrosity off millions of years ago. He keeps bashing and pitying the Magmortar as it looks increasingly depressed. Afterwards, a Scyther appears, which FZE is more pleased by, telling Psyduck they're catching that and to do whatever it is he does when he wants to hurt things. The wild Scyther uses Focus Energy and Psyduck counters with Confusion.
The wild Scyther is confused and a message pops up saying it hurt itself in its confusion, which, in practice, means that it used its arm blade to cut its own head off, with FZE staring in shock and disgust. End of chapter two.

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