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Elite & Pwnag3Episode 2: MasterBeef + Timeline

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T3h Pwnag3 greets the reader and says he’s just here to let people know that he’s got a solution to the problems that Near Elite and he were having over the location of their comic series, so he’s created an informative slideshow about it. On a slideshow, two stick figures representing Near and Pwnag3 greet each other as Pwnag3’s voiceover explains that, in the beginning, there was Near Elite and an insomnia-driven T3h Pwnag3 and they started an awesome comic together. With two comic genius minds, what could go wrong? It was all looking good until one faithful day. Pwnag3’s stick figure then stabs Near’s as Pwnag3 explains that Near Elite made the first comic on HomeTown, which angered T3h Pwnag3 because of the fact that his computer crashes on HomeTown, as detailed on Episode 1. They agreed to change the map, but they couldn’t find a map that suited their needs for the comic of comic they wished. T3h Pwnag3 checked many downloaded apartment maps to no avail, then remembered the map Yellowlake was making for Happydevil Comics and that it would be the absolute perfect setting for their comic. Pwnag3 notes, however, that the series had been started, so they couldn’t wait for it to be done, so T3h Pwnag3 had to figure out a way to travel to the future. He did so by placing a single hair of Chuck Norris in a toaster oven and their awesome-ness-icity-ism-ology-ness-ism-ness-icity combined to create a time machine. However, due to bad directions from an elderly woman and a redneck, T3h Pwnag3 made a left turn on main street when he should’ve made a right and he ended up in the past, setting off the events which created the platypus instead of going to the future to make comics. Pwnag3 finally made it back to present time drunk and filled with cavewoman stone phone numbers in his pocket and, because of this reckless travel, his time machine got broken. As such, T3h Pwnag3 decided to find the timeline instead of daring to pluck another hair off the precious head of Chuck Norris. Once he found it, he hoped to jump somewhere in the near future when the map was done and send comics back through time so Near Elite could post them and everything would be fine. A slide shows a black line representing the time as Pwnag3 explains that, after minutes of searching, he found it, but what he didn’t know was that Chuck Norris was following him, seeking revenge. Chuck was about to roundhouse kick T3h Pwnag3, ending his life, when the heroic toaster oven jumped in, saving T3h Pwnag3’s life. The slide shows a toaster oven and a crude drawing of Chuck Norris facing each other over the timeline as Pwnag3 explains this led to an apocalyptic battle to the death, resulting in the world being destroyed seventeen times over, again and again, with tons of Dragon Ball Z-type yells and explosions, until finally a victor emerged. Pwnag3 says he would tell the reader who won if he were not sworn to secrecy by the victor, who promised to not only kill him but a box of kittens as well if he told anyone. After the battle, Pwnag3 reveals the timeline was mangled, ripped and completely destroyed in certain places, and due to the place-time continuum or whatever it is, this meant that Near Elite and T3h Pwnag3 could be in completely different places, but in reality, they would be in the future in the map create by Yellowlake. Meanwhile, MasterBeef rushes through the Facepunch office excitedly, shouting guys, guys, guys, you won’t believe it, guys, guys, guys. As he runs, he declares he has a skin, T3h Pwnag3 made him an awesome skin, he’s like Jeff but without a beard, he’s clean-shaven. He keeps calling the guys and trying to find them as he runs through the office. Near Elite sees him and says nice skin there, MasterBeef. Still running, MasterBeef says he knows, isn’t it awesome. Near tells him he knows it’s an awesome skin but he might want to slow down. Near then realizes MasterBeef is running straight at him and says shit. MasterBeef crashes into Near very loudly. Pwnag3 appears and asks if they could keep it down in there, he’s trying to present a slideshow in there, geez. He walks over asking if they don’t know it’s very discourteous, then trails off as he notices MasterBeef on top of Near in the ground. Pwnag3 says on a side note, lol sex pose. Near protests it’s not what it looks like, to which Pwnag3 says a tentative okay. MasterBeef gleefully repeats new skin, to which Near shouts he gets the fucking point. The end.

Next comic:

Episode 3: Get Into My Pack!

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