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Kenny the Copin “The Sandwich Stealer” (Remake)

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Kenny is sleeping soundly when a bird dropping falls on his shoe, waking him up. He calls it nasty then screams at the sky that he'll get the bird for this. He looks to the side and sees Sergeant Couper interviewing a suspect.

Kenny approaches Couper and greets him, who replies hey, Kenny. Kenny asks him if he needs any help, but Couper retorts that he can handle a Code 72 himself, thank you very much. The suspect asks if Code 72 isn't grand theft sandwich and Couper replies affirmatively. The suspect protests that this must be a mistake and says that he never has and never will steal anything.

Kenny asks Couper what that thing is called where you talk to people and get information out of them. Couper asks if he means interrogation and Kenny says that's it and asks if he can do it. Couper sighs and tells him he guesses so. Kenny says sweet, then clears his throat and asks the suspect if he stole Couper's sandwich. The man exclaims no and Kenny tells him to carry on. As the man leaves, Kenny exclaims that was easy and that he should get a promotion for that.

Couper facepalms and calls Kenny a moron, telling him he wanted to arrest the man. Kenny then guesses he doesn't get a promotion, to which Couper replies nope. Kenny starts to think on what to do, but trails off as he spots a pigeon nearby. The pigeon asks in Internet leet-speak how Kenny's shoe is. Kenny and the pigeon exchange glances. Couper starts to call Kenny to get his attention, to which Kenny turns his attention back to Couper, who orders him to get the sandwich stealer now.

A couple of hours later, Kenny is interviewing a woman witness, asking her if she has seen a sandwich stealer. The woman replies that she doesn't know and asks Kenny to describe the man. Kenny simply replies it's a guy who stole a sandwich. The woman deadpans that she could tell that from the title sandwich stealer. Kenny adds that his breath smells like ham and cheese. The woman sarcastically notes that it's a sandwich stealer who ate a sandwich. Kenny suspiciously retorts that for an innocent person, she sure knows a lot.

The woman mumbles that Kenny just said that, but then excitedly notices a bird behind Kenny. Kenny looks over his shoulder and sees the pigeon, who tells him they meet again. Kenny and the pigeon once again lock eyes dramatically. The woman behind Kenny asks for him to excuse her.

The woman asks Kenny if he is okay. Kenny tells her he's fine. The pigeon tells Kenny it will be seeing him soon, but suddenly someone traps it within a bucket. It's the sandwich stealer, who happily exclaims he will be eating good tonight. The thief then notices Kenny, who tells him to come scumingly, quiet bag, then corrects himself to bag it quiet, scum, then gives up and tells the man he is under arrest.

The sandwich stealer asks what he is under arrest for, to which Kenny replies grand theft sandwich. The sandwich stealer realizes his jig is up and tries to think of something quick. He tells Kenny that was his twin brother. Kenny tells him nice try, but they both know there's no such thing. The man dejectedly replies oh, bollocks. Two hours later, Kenny is telling Couper how he slapped the handcuffs on the sandwich stealer while doing a double Heimlich maneuver. Couper tells him that promotion is in the bag now.

Kenny asks Couper if he is for rizzle, to which Couper replies yeah, and he bets a lot of people would like to see Kenny as a general. Kenny exclaims that those Heimlich maneuver lessons paid off, but wonders why exactly people want him as a general. Couper retorts that it's to keep Kenny the hell away from a gun. The end.

Next comic:

in “Words to Live by”

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