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Kenny the Copin “Saving the Day”

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A smiling woman is walking in City 17 holding a bag, unaware that a rebellious-looking man with a gun is lurking in the corner. The man jumps at her and asks her at gunpoint what's in the bag. She holds the bag close, stuttering that it's just some files she needs for work. The man asks her if that's so and if she minds him having a look to see if she's lying. He grabs the bag and starts trying to pull it away from her. She screams at him to let go, calling him a creep, and he tells her to give it up, calling her a bitch in turn. She then screams for help.

Meanwhile, at the top of the Citadel in Doctor Breen's office, Breen sighs longingly as he stares at a photograph of Eli Vance. He tells the photo that they will be together soon, calling Eli his love. Suddenly, his intercom asks sir and Breen, panicking, slams the photo down, asking what. He then composes himself and asks what is it. On the intercom, the guard says that it's General Hatcher and that he wants a word, saying it's urgent.

Breen tells the guard to send him in. Hatcher enters and Breen asks him what is it. Hatcher tells Doctor Breen there's been a development in the city. Breen raises an eyebrow and Hatcher continues, explaining that they are currently in a state of crisis. Hatcher pauses for dramatic effect and tells Doctor Breen that City Seventeen is under siege by a purse snatcher.

Breen's eyes widen as he reacts in shock and asks when this happened. Hatcher replies that it was just now and asks for orders. Breen asks if Civil Protection can handle the situation, but Hatcher replies negatively, explaining that they are not trained for something like this. Breen suggests a lance of Overwatch troops but Hatcher tells him they wouldn't be able to deplay in time, but even if they could, he has his doubts.

Breen puts his hand on his forehead and says Jesus, then gets up and walks over to the window. As he looks at the city below, Breen comments that City Seventeen is faced with its greatest thread and they're not even ready for it. Hatcher comments that he doesn't think any of them were prepared for this.

Breen asks Hatcher if there is any hope for them and Hatcher comments that there is one man who can help them, Civil Protection unit K-018. Hatcher calls him exceptionally skilled in making people go away and Breen asks if he's an assassin, to which Hatcher replies no, just extremely annoying.

Breen declares that it doesn't matter and orders Hatcher to just get him on the job, then adds God speed, General. Meanwhile, at GM Construct, Kenny is presenting his latest invention, a contraption made of old cans, a sawblade and a traffic cone, to Dillan, asking him what he thinks.

Dillan stares at Kenny's invention for a moment and then asks what it is. Kenny triumphantly calls it a robot him. Dillan stares at Kenny and the odd machine made of spare parts and sarcastically notes that he can see the resemblance. Dillan then asks why Kenny needs a robot version of himself anyway.

Kenny explains that since he can't have a miniature clone of himself, he figured there would be no harm in having a robotic him. Dillan retorts right then notices a level sticking out from the front of the machine and asks if he even wants to know what that is. Kenny explains that it's the power switch and that if you wank it real hard, it turns it on, then invites Dillan to go ahead and give it a pull. Dillan stares at the lever then gives Kenny a firm no. Kenny crosses his arms and starts to tell Dillan to not be such a something when something in his pocket starts ringing.

Kenny asks Dillan to hold on and pulls a ringing sandwich from his pocket. Dillan asks him why is sandwich is ringing and Kenny explains that it's his new cellphone. Kenny presses on the sandwich and puts it next to his ear, asking hello.

Kenny says yes, that's me, then uh-huh, oh dear and I see, then tells the general on the other side not to worry about a thing because Kenny the Cop is on the case. He ends the call and Dillan asks what in Sam Hell that was about. Kenny declares dramatically that City Seventeen needs their help.

Kenny states that they must make haste to the Kenny cave as he strikes a pose. Dillan asks the what and Kenny repeats the Kenny cave, then explains that it's his super secret lair where he does a bunch of super secret things. Dillan tells Kenny that he threw that damned cardboard box out weeks ago.

Kenny tells him no, his other lair, so Dillan asks if he found another box. Impatient, Kenny replies no and drags Dillan with him, telling him he'll show him. Kenny stops at a blank wall and asks if Dillan sees. Unimpressed, Dillan states to Kenny that it's a blank wall.

Kenny rethorically asks if that is so and tells Dillan to just watch. He taps on the wall a bunch of times and suddenly it starts to raise. Dillan asks huh as the wall rises, revealing a large secret passage. Dillan says whoa and asks Kenny if he made this.

Kenny explains that no, he found it a couple weeks after he got there and has been using it since. He walks in telling Dillan they have work to do. As they walk, a theme song starts to play saying who's the man who's gonna save the day, oh yeah, Kenny, Kenny! Dillan then turns around and shouts would you just shut up. A man with a microphone is standing there. He lowers his head sadly and apologizes.

Kenny and Dillan arrive at a door with a nearby camera. Kenny says he'll wave them through and waves at the camera, with the system recognizing them as friendly and granting them access. The door slides sideways and Kenny introduces Dillan to the Kenny cave, a laboratory with a vending machine and a bunch of crates and old technology. Dillan says well, I'll be damned and asks if that place was down there the entire time.

Kenny approaches a couple of garage doors and tells Dillan to check this out. One of the garage doors opens, revealing a red Ferrari sports car inside. Dillan notes that the Kenny mobile got one hell of an upgrade. Kenny mutters that no, that's Wilbur's car, then leads Dillan to an old junk car nearby, stating that the Kenny mobile is right over there. One of the Kenny mobile's wheels falls off.

The Kenny mobile then catches fire spontaneously. Kenny comments that that's been happening a lot lately, then tells Dillan come on and that they're wasting time. Kenny leads Dillan to another room that has a window towards something and asks if he may introduce Dillan. Dillan asks Kenny what that is and Kenny calls it his greatest achievement yet.

Dillan starts to talk but Kenny cuts him off, saying that he knows it's incredible and declaring that it took him years of research and development to make it, a project that exhausted every asset within his genius, but his years of hard work and his ingenuity paid off, as Dillan can see in that amazing example of modern technology. Kenny notes that it must be hard to believe that what Dillan sees before him is a work of science rather than art. Dillan says Kenny but the latter interrupts again, saying there's no need to say it.

Kenny tells Dillan he knows the latter never thought he had it in him. Dillan cuts Kenny off and tells him sorry to burst his bubble, but it's a concrete pipe. In the room they are looking at is indeed a concrete pipe, surrounded by a few explosive barrels. Kenny tells Dillan he has no sense of wonder and that underneath its seemingly mundane exterior is the most sophisticated piece of engineering seen by man. Kenny asks what that is and Kenny replies a couple of explosive barrels and a firecracker.

Dillan says uh-huh and asks what that sophisticated piece of engineering does. Kenny tells him it's how they're getting to City Seventeen in a timely fashion. In shock, Dillan screams what and a dramatic sound of dun, dun, dun is heard. Dillan looks behind him to see the man with the microphone again. Dillan asks Kenny what that weirdo is still doing there.

Kenny replies that he doesn't know and the man was there when he moved in. The man tells them to please call him Creg. Kenny looks at his glove and says he thinks they need to get going now. Dillan asks if Kenny is not saying they're actually going to shoot themselves out of a concrete cannon, then tells Kenny he knows how Dillan feels about explosives. Kenny retorts that yes, he does and hits Dillan with a frying pan, knocking him out.

Kenny drags Dillan with him as he apologizes, justifying that the trip is better for Dillan if he is unconscious. Kenny turns to Creg and tells him to press that button when he tells him to. Creg replies okay and Kenny thanks him, calling him Graem. Creg replies that it's Creg and Kenny tells him to shut up. Ten frames later, inside the concrete pipe, Kenny says they're all set and tells Carl to open the bay doors and start the countdown. Creg corrects him on his name.

The bay doors open with a loud noise and Creg starts a countdown. An explosion suddenly occurs on three, shooting two missiles containing Kenny and Dillan out. On the sky, Kenny screams stupid firecrackers. Meanwhile, in City Seventeen, a lady asks the purse snatcher if he's going to kill her.

The purse snatcher retorts that he just might, depends if she is a good girl or not. He then overhears something and asks what in God's name that sound is. The two missiles fall on the ground next to them and open up. The lady and the purse snatcher stare dumbfounded at them.

Coming awake, Dillan asks what happened and falls out of the missile, then asks where Kenny is. He looks into the other missile and realizes Kenny's not there. He suddenly hears screaming from above. Kenny falls from the skies into a garbage container.

Rising up from the container, Kenny declares to the woman that she's safe now and that there's no need to fear, but cuts himself off saying that he's gonna barf. Kenny falls on the ground saying he doesn't feel so good, then raises a cowboy hat and tells Dillan he forgot his hat. Dillan says hey, thanks.

Kenny gets up and stands next to Dillan, telling the purse snatcher that his days of terror are over. He tells him to come quietly and he won't get hurt. The purse snatcher responds like hell he will and shoots his gun. The bullet hits Dillan's hat and tosses it on the ground.

Angry, Dillan calls the purse snatcher a dirty son of a bitch. Kenny says that the purse snatcher is in sooo much trouble. The purse snatcher simply replies so what and Kenny notes that he doesn't know what he just did, then tells him he just messed with Texas. The purse snatcher repeats so what and Kenny asks if he's some kind of moron, telling him that you don't mess with Texas.

The purse snatcher starts to ask what happens when you mess with Texas, but Dillan suddenly leaps forward with a roar and shoves his arm right through the man. The woman watches in shock as the purse snatcher screams for his spine and gory sounds are heard. She doesn't flinch when blood splatters all over her face, as the man pleads for his spleen and Dillan screams that it's his now, son. Kenny covers his mouthpiece telling Dillan that's nasty.

Dillan hands the woman her bag. She grabs it and stands there, her eye twitching. Twelve hours later, in the middle of the night, she finally replies to no one yeah, thanks. Creg then narrates the ending of the episode, telling the reader not to forget the moral of today's story, don't eat refrozen ice cream, then wishing goodnight. The end.

Next comic:

in “Pains, Gains, and Piggyback Rides”

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